Dame Deborah James has shared her sorrow that she won’t get to see her son have children in the future, as she prepares to celebrate her final Father’s Day.
The You, Me and the Big C host, 40, was sent home from hospital over a month ago to receive end of life care for her terminal bowel cancer, and did not expect to live as long as Father’s Day.
Dame Deborah, who shares son Hugo, 14, and daughter Eloise, 12, with her husband Seb, admitted that the day is tinged with sadness as she will never get to see Hugo celebrate a Father’s Day as a dad himself in the future.
She told The Sun: ‘I can’t stop crying. I’m incredibly lucky, it’s hard to put it all into words.
‘For me, this year it’s about my dad and Seb, but it’s also about the men in my life who will hopefully one day be fathers too, my son and brother.
‘I can’t really comprehend the fact I won’t be here to see that. It breaks me.’
Dame Deborah says knowing her kids will be OK is the ‘biggest thing’ for her, as nobody can be sure how long she has left to live.
She praised her husband Seb for being a ‘great father’ to their two children, and has ‘no concerns’ for what will happen to them when she dies.
Dame Deborah added: ‘He dotes on them and I know they will want for nothing. He loves them so much, and I know that when I’m no longer here, he will love them for me too.’
She also paid tribute to her own father Alistair, admitting she did not tell him often enough how much she loves him.
Hailing him as the ‘unsung hero’ who was always ‘quietly holding her up’ from the sidelines whenever she needed him, Dame Deborah revealed the pair would share a ‘whisky or two’ on Sunday.
Dame Deborah admitted that not knowing how long she has left is ‘impossible’ and that she woke up with a panic attack recently.
She had believed she had days left to live when she was discharged from The Royal Marsden at the start of May, after being told active cancer treatment was no longer possible for her, but has outlived the prognosis.
Nurses have not been able to give her any guidance on when she will know the end is approaching as everybody experiences it differently, so Dame Deborah is trying to enjoy the time she has left and do things she enjoys with her loved ones.